First, this is not a paid commercial endorsement. No compensation. I am not an actor. I just drink.
During fall 2021, I decided to give up Diet Coke (DC).
“Big deal,” you say. “You shouldn’t be drinking that stuff anyway.”
“You are right,” I reply. “During college, I was really, really addicted to Mountain Dew which I stopped by just stopping. I turned to DC and, despite my health-conscious ways, I got addicted. I mean, I would go to bed and wonder if I drank any liquid that day that wasn’t DC during the entire day?”
“You are kidding.”
“No. Maybe to brush my teeth. I had one for breakfast. Kept one in my car for the drive to work. My mixed drink of choice back then was Kraken or Captain and a Diet.”
“That is sad.” You shake your head.
“That is what I thought.” My face lights up and I lean forward with excitement. “So, during fall of 2021, and not for the first time, I stopped cold. During previous purges, I had some severe withdrawals…I got ill. Pathetic. Luckily this time it wasn’t so bad. What I did was start to drink LOTS OF WATER.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, yes and no. I stopped by about 98%. The occasional DC when out to eat with the grandkids, but no more stacks of six-packs in the corner. No more hunting for the best deals. I know where to get the best DC out of a fountain. Yes, McDonalds—” hold my hands up “—but I have a secret location near me that is cheaper and just as good…shhhhhh!” My finger presses against my lips as I make the quiet signal.
“And all you did to replace it was water?” you ask, suspicion radiating from your eyes.
“Well. My wife got me a SodaStream machine…you know, the carbonation machine. I can make my own beverage at will. I use it all the time—like a lot. It is great. Add bubbles. Add some flavoring if you want and boom! Instant beverage made to order.”
“But aren’t those flavors just the same as diet coke?”
“No…I don’t think so…maybe…but…you can just add lemon…or anything. I don’t have to add any flavor…but I do.” I was getting defensive. “I have been using it non-stop. In with the bubbles. Pour in the delicious diet flavor—cola, root beer, “dr. Pete”, fountain mist (Mountain Dew), Ginger ale, orange…chug away. I order the flavors from SodaStream by the bushel.”
“Sounds like a fun time.”
“Until now,” I say.
“Really? What happened?”
I pause.
“I used up all my flavors. I am dying waiting for my next order to arrive.” I smile “I guess I am addicted to it.”